Have you ever just sat back and reminisced on childhood or college memories, shared a few laughs, then returned back to reality? Remembering the past can be beneficial and enjoyable but somehow I allowed reminiscing to progress to glorification of the past. I started to use my past as a standard and measurement of what I defined as happiness. This perspective ended up becoming toxic. After a breakup, I began glorifying the past. Thoughts from my past would consume my mind on a daily basis. I couldn’t go a day without revisiting the idea of my past relationship & wishing that it all played out differently. I viewed singleness as misery and loneliness. I felt as if my life would never be as good as it was when I was in a relationship. I had no peace and often times I would allow this mindset to drive me into depression. Glorification of a previous relationship had become robbery. I was robbing myself of peace, happiness, and enjoying the present.
Not only was glorification of the past robbing me of joy, it was making it difficult for me to form new relationships. Instead of entering them with an open mind and clean slate I entered new relationships with a flawed blueprint of how I wanted the relationship to be so I was constantly making comparisons. I felt like nobody would ever be good enough. I refused to give people a fair chance and eventually started to feel stuck. I spent hours and days holding conversations about my past relationship with friends and family to the point where it became sickening.
By consistently revisiting my past I was blinding myself from the present. I was giving my past the leverage to destroy my present and my future. In order to let go and move forward I knew that I had to stop viewing the relationship with rose-colored glasses. Because I glorified the relationship so much I never took the time to truly reflect on it. I had to go back and remind myself that the relationship wasn’t nearly as good as I convinced myself that it was. Yes, I had the title, the cute pictures and the dates but behind all of that I had sadness, discontentment, and an empty heart. What happened was I allowed social media to influence how I saw the relationship. It looked good but it felt worse. I convinced myself that period of my life was perfect and that was so far from the truth. Through reflecting, I was reminded that it was stressful. I yearned for a genuine connection, intimacy, and a solid foundation but what I had was nothing more than dysfunction built on lust and dishonesty. Reevaluating the relationship allowed me to remove it from the pedestal. I realized that the relationship wasn’t better, it was familiar. It was comfortable but it was counterfeit. The truth was if the relationship was that good it would’ve lasted. If it were meant to be it would’ve been. I was then reminded of how destructive living in the past can be. Something so superficial had caused me to be unappreciative of the perfectly good present that I had. So from that point I couldn’t waste any more time and I had to redirect my energy to the present.
I made the decision to silence my past with newer and better experiences. This didn’t mean rushing into a new relationship. It meant taking time to focus on myself. It meant using my time to get busy and indulge in things that I loved in order to elevate myself mentally, financially, and spiritually. It meant date nights alone, spoiling myself, and using my time to feed my spirit. There’s beauty in solitude. Solitude led me to self-discovery. I restored all that was lost and I value and enjoy every bit of my season of singleness. Singleness is not a curse or punishment. I refrained from viewing it as loneliness. In fact I actually realized I was lonelier in the relationship than I was single.
It’s nearly impossible to enjoy your now comparing it to your then. I truly relinquished the past and began embracing the present. By doing this I’ve been rewarded with peace and joy. Your past is only as powerful as you allow it to be. Don’t allow it to haunt you or rob you from a remarkable present and an even better future. Accept what is gone and have faith in what will be.
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